“But you have to know that he’s afraid –of being exposed, of losing his freedom, of not living up to what he thinks you deserve.  Just know that he wants to be with you, even if he doesn’t know it; he shows it in small ways,” he said.

She thought for a second.  She’d been calmed by these kinds of comments in the past but this time it just left her annoyed. At first, she couldn’t place why she was so uncomfortable but it suddenly occurred to her that she had spent almost two decades worrying about what some guy thought or felt about her.

She had waited and analyzed and worried herself into a frenzy. Worse,  she had spent too many hours of her time on earth sitting in the passenger seat while some guy drove her crazy.  She thought of all of the brunches, lunches, dinners and happy hours that were full of conversations where she and her girlfriends talked in loops about the opposite sex.

She was done. It was not “passionate” or “exciting”. It was exhausting.

She took a deep breath and enjoyed the peaceful wave that rushed over her.  Her mind went quiet, her heart was still.

She didn’t care what he was thinking about her. 

“He’s not the only one who matters. I am not waiting for anyone, I have a wonderful life to live,” she said firmly.  The best part was that she believed it.  She knew that the only person worthy of her was someone who gave her butterflies, not knots, smiles and not stress.

He smiled.

“Congratulations. You’ve just moved up to your next level.”