Last week, I was speaking to a sibling of a friend who was very worried about money and looking for work. A talented young woman (and a student seriously worried about cash), I offered to pass along her portfolio to industry contacts and business owners who might be interested in hiring her and she told me to “go for it”.
I sent out an email with a little background, her link and a note letting people know that her sibling was a friend of mine. When she logged back onto her computer, she scolded me for mentioning she was my friend’s “little” sister.
She didn’t like the word “little”.
My response to her was a soft one. I apologized for her dislike of my mentioning a word she didn’t like but let her know that I was disappointed to be scolded instead of hearing, “Thank you.” Her response, “Thanks, but I don’t need any favors.” She’s a young woman but old enough to know better than to behave in this way, and yet, her behavior is more common than graciousness.
This had me thinking about the ways in which we prevent ourselves from being successful. When we are ungracious, rude, thankless, arrogant or otherwise show a lack of appreciation for gestures we have accepted (these are different from having someone do something they “think” you will like, which isn’t always helpful or appreciated), we lose soldiers willing to fight a few battles on our behalf. When doing favors, we shouldn’t expect accolades and to leave a friend indebted but no one likes to have their hand bitten.
Has this happened to you?
Do you bite the hand that feeds?
Have you ever done this and learned a lesson?
At this stage of the game, I don’t think I’d care if I was referred to as “so-and-so’s big sister,” or “what’s-his-name’s wife,” or “that girl from that place.” I’d just be thankful to have my name being put out there in a positive tone. Could I do this myself? Yeah, sure — but I can tell you how far the “do it yourself” approach gets you in the game of networking. Sometimes it’s much more worthwhile to get that good reference than to be offended by something so silly as being referred to as someone’s “little” sister.
Being a “little” sister myself, I can understand how this word is sometimes a sore spot, especially when you’ve become an adult. HOWEVER, there is just no excuse for that sort of ingratitude. You learned about her. And in time, and perhaps after her money problems become real and not just a worry, she will learn that we all need favors from time to time and they should be appreciated. She won’t get very far without some humility.