Love Is Immortal

Eighteen years ago,  on a day with this same date, I awoke to a changed world and a changed life.  The person I loved the most (and who loved me the most) had gone to sleep and never opened his eyes. 

At a very young age, I was nearly drowned with a sense of loss and fear that is very specific to the loss of a (sole) parent and though many years have passed, they seemed to do so in a moment’s time.  It feels like yesterday that I ran to him and showed him my report card and introduced him proudly to my new teachers on Parent/Teacher night.   “Grandpa” was not a big enough title for him, nor will it ever be.

When asked about Heath Ledger’s death, Michelle Williams described how I feel about my own loss quite eloquently and stated that it only gets “worse” over time.  I believe there is a truth to that.

I can say that, in my own experience, time does not heal all wounds.  It is one of the most unfortunate aspects of the human experience.  We are all going to experience significant losses in our lives and many of us will have trouble ”moving on” at a speed that is considered “acceptable” to our fellow men and women.  I know that I have had many comments  about the way in which I honor my loved one shoved into my ears, some more critical than others.   I was recently told that I had an  “inability to move on” but what that person didn’t understand is that I move on with him. How could I ever live my life without the person who greatly influenced it and ( in many ways) saved it? 

He comes with me wherever I go and shares every new day with me.  What a very special person to have made such a wonderful impact that I would want to bring him everywhere with me.

I am writing this very personal post to all you in the hopes that you will allow yourself the room to be who you are and grieve your losses (whatever they are) in the way that makes you feel the most at ease and comfortable.  Emotions are as much a part of who we are as our cells and organs but unlike cells and organs, they are beautifully unique to us.