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Regardless of who is at fault, you’re better off without them if one or both of you don’t feel the relationship is worth fighting for.
Respect and love are the bare minimums of what you deserve.
Words without actions are also known as bullsh*t.
Throughout history, men have fought wars for love, they have traveled countries and given away thrones. If he’s not calling and doing what he needs to do, well…
Being right is less important than being right to one another.
You have been through this before and you will get through it again.
Vent to your friends, but don’t expect them to understand the emotional hook you have.
Come close. No, closer. Now, repeat after me: They were not my last chance at love.
Sleeping around won’t get you over them any faster. Drinking more and sleeping less will only make you look and feel like crap.
For God’s sake, don’t sign up for online dating until a month has passed (and when you do, please don’t go on Plenty Of Fish).
Listen to the words of this song and remember that there will come a day when you stumble upon the rest of your life just like he does.
Crying is OK. On first dates? Not so much. Give it a little time.
What you tell others cannot be taken back. This is important if you’re unsure as to whether or not you’ll get back together.
Your friends have their own relationships and situations. Do what feels right to you.
Go out. Often. Seriously.
Watch “What’s Love Got To Do With It” or any Tina Turner Bio. That hot mama left a jerk with 39 cents in her pocket , a black eye and a gas card. If Tina can come out on top after batshit crazy Ike, you’ll be just fine.
Bring joy, not pain.
Bring love, not hate.
Bring understanding, not judgement.
Bring hope, not hopelessness.
Bring kindness, not condemnation.
Bring peace, not volatility.
Bring compassion, not cruelty.
Bring a solution, not another problem.
Bring interest, not projections.
Bring humor, not snark.
Bring facts, not assumptions.
Bring generosity, not selfishness.
Bring a smile, not a scowl.
Bring a cheer, not a criticism.
Bring the best version of you and the space to allow them to be the best version of themselves to you.
What a life you will live.
What a love you will have.
What a legacy you will leave.
There was a sweeping volatility,
A loud burst of emotion,
A weeping flood,
In the stillness, she stood,
listening only to her breath.
The beat of her heart slowing down,
As the smoke replaced a glistening fire.
She had been here before,
And not so long ago,
But this time, it was different.
For she knew her way around.
No intimidation from uncertainty,
Or the slightest bit of fear,
She would navigate with logic,
and find her way out.
And her awareness of her ability to do so is what made all of the difference.
(Photo Courtesy of Pinterest)
Not too long ago, I found myself in a situation where I was being told I had motivations I didn’t, saying things that never came out of my mouth and behaving in ways that go against the very base of my character. At first, I did my best to explain, thinking that perhaps there was some kind of miscommunication. When that didn’t work, I became angry. There are few things worse than being punished for things you didn’t do. Not only does it hurt, it’s flat-out unjust. I wanted to bring this up because it’s so common. As a society we love to assume and judge, but just because we think something (they are liars, we will fail) doesn’t make it true. Just because a lot of us do it doesn’t make it right.
Take a minute and think about your general state of mind. Do you often approach certain kinds of situations with anxiety or immediately “go negative” when dealing with certain challenges?
Example: Your new colleague is quiet and you start to make assumptions about what her silence means. Before you know it, you’re filling in the blanks.
She must not be talking to me because she doesn’t like me or wants to undermine me in some way.
She’s a snob.
The mind wanders and you are suddenly supporting your assessment with “facts”.
She didn’t say hi in the elevator on Monday.
She never accepts my happy hour invitations.
Before you know it, you’re treating her accordingly, making her pay for sins she likely never committed, and forcing her to respond in kind.
The girl who was just shy is now an ice queen to you because you’ve treated her like one.
If you’re staring at this screen with a big oops on your face, take a deep breath and cut yourself a little slack. It’s a sad fact of life that many people corrode relationships (and potential ones) with projections and fears based on past experiences. The problem is that, by not training your mind to stop doing it, having happier and healthier relationships, and fresh, new experiences becomes nearly impossible.
If you have only had bad relationships, it becomes hard to give anyone the benefit of the doubt, even when their patterns of behavior have earned it. That’s not something they need to accommodate, that’s your issue. Just as they need to pack and carry their baggage, so do you.
I used to be a guilty-til-proven innocent type of gal. After being cheated on (he slept with 22 women and I found out at once, thank you very much) I was downright terrified of ever being hurt like that again. I found myself anxious and accusatory in the relationship that followed. It wasn’t a good feeling, for him or me. It took a lot of thinking, feeling, sorting, and yes, talking to my consigliere (the one with the Ph.D on his wall) to figure out that my partner was being pigeonholed and pushed away.
Do you find that you have a knee-jerk reaction to assume the worst in a person or a situation? Do you allow a relationship or circumstance to grow organically or are or are you pushing to prove a general negative theory right?
Happiness is as happiness does. Read below for 10 ways to bring serenity now! Ok, maybe not right this instant, but soon.
Do I Seek To Add Value?
One of the things I always advise my interns to do is to sit down and think about the ways they have added value to the jobs and organizations they have worked in. No one wants to hire someone who does the bare minimum, or worse, diminishes the value of a situation. Mindless gossip, unnecessary criticism and standing around doing nothing all subtract from a situation, even if simply pulling out the peace or productivity.
Do I Surround Myself With People Who Enhance My Life Experience?
Remember your clubbing days? You never wanted to spend your evening with the riff-raff in some sketchy club. Why would you want to spend your life with them?
When Was The Last Time I Learned/Tried Something New?
It sounds like a silly cliché, but knowledge does give you an edge–in conversations, the boardroom, and on dates when the table you booked won’t be available for the rest of the night. Be warned, there’s a caveat: You have to actually use the information you acquire to your greatest advantage. Learning a new word each day is only effective when you use these words to create a better daily vocabulary, and since anxiety and fear are based on uncertainty and ignorance, hello reason to research!
What Influence Do I Have On My Own Life?
People-pleasing lecture aside, the days of your life won’t always be enjoyable, but if your life would call you a hater, it’s time to make some changes. You won’t always want to do what your friends, family members or partner want you to do and your best friend may be really against a life decision, but unless you are doing something truly destructive or disrespectful, there’s zero reason for guilt (or guilt trips). Sit down and think about the life you would be living if you didn’t have to worry about being judged. That’s what you need to work towards.
Do I Get Swayed By Emotion or Stick To The Facts?
Feelings are notoriously misleading, but facts, while not always candy-coated, are reliable. I have found that the only time people get angry when faced with them are when they feel guilty, ashamed, embarrassed or are trying to get something over on me.
Am I Impulsive?
Just because you are being offered something you want or will enjoy does not mean you should “reach out and grab it” the second it appears. That “once in a lifetime opportunity” will likely not evaporate in the 24-48 hours (or longer for bigger decisions) you need to sit and think more about it. I mean, if Enrique Iglesias calls you and asks you to go on tour, fine, consider going on leave, but signing contracts, rushing to their door to profess your undying love and moving house last-minute are worth some pillow time. Bottom Line: Follow your heart, use your head.
Do I Own My Behavior Or Judge It?
OK, you said you would go to the gym. You didn’t. You went to have margaritas and nachos with your friends instead. Congratulations, you now have a memory and maybe a hangover. Accept that most of us do what we want to do and that on the nights toning is more important to you than tacos, you’ll swipe your gym card.
Can People Count On Me?
Do you say what you mean, do what you say, and are you where you say you will be( and fully present) when you’re supposed to be there?
Am I Appreciative?
That dog that annoys you every morning when he needs to go out greets you with love and forgiveness every time you open the door. That coworker who takes time out of his or her day to read over your email or grab you a water, they don’t have to, you know? That friend who spends three hours on Gchat helping you deal with a guy situation? That’s a gift.
Is It Really That Important?
That sink will get fixed. That email was not that serious. Your boss is human. Everyone’s job is stressful. Your jeans will fit again. Now what?
-Brenda Della Casa
You are not responsible for the things your parents did or did not say to you, do for you, or teach you.
Sometimes you “win” by just deciding to get up and go.
Just because she is pretty doesn’t mean you’re not.
Hot is a short dress and heels. Witty, charming, self-respecting, elegant and drop-dead smart? That’s gorgeous.
If he gives you anxiety, excuses, a reason not to believe him or anything that requires a prescription, he’s gone.
Having a relationship is not the goal. Having a healthy, happy and loving relationship (with yourself and then someone else) is.
There’s never a reason to be a mean girl. You’re an intelligent, compassionate and professional woman. Carry yourself like one.
When it comes to your relationships, spend more time than money. Give more compliments than criticisms, and for goodness sakes, flash your manners.
Just because they say it doesn’t make it true.
Men who have six packs and great biceps often sustain themselves on a diet consisting of chicken and eggs and will choose the gym over date night with you. Remember that.
It’s OK to be ambitious, but ruthless? Bye Bye Rolodex.
Everyone wants to feel needed, no one wants to deal with needy.
You want to be a boss? Take care of your business.
Don’t spend your time trying to date a baller. Spend it working to become a baller.
She who dates a man for money should not complain when he treats her poorly. How do you treat that sweater you bought three years ago?
It’s OK to like sex. If you have it with a man who has not shown you that he respects, loves you, or wants to date you before having it, don’t expect that to change it.
Just because you ignore it doesn’t make it go away, and just because you rationalize it doesn’t make it right.
Men who want to be with you will call you (often more than once). Men who don’t will not.
That guy being a jerk right now? You’ll hear from him again, and by the time you do, you’ll laugh.
Happiness is not a choice, but doing things to bring you more of it is.