Walking Barefoot

You know what you want. You know what you like. You know what you’re looking for.

Well, you think you do. Then someone comes along and challenges everything you thought you knew. It’s then that you realize that what you were searching for is based solely on what you have found. You’ve spent your life raving about OK because you’ve never experienced great.

And so far, they’re great. Their body, their soul, their humor, their wit, their wisdom. The way they sound. The way your skin tingles when they touch you, if only to hold your hand. It all feels like little gifts.

They open up a side of you that you knew existed but kept locked away. You become a sparkling mixture of excitement and terror. Hearing from them brings a silly smile to your face. Silence turns butterflies into knots. You’re waiting for signs that it’s OK to be yourself and to be as good to them as you ache to be.

Memories of your time together loop through your brain and weave in and out of daydreams about what might come to pass.

Suddenly, you freeze up. The questions begin to swirl in your head. Do they like you? Are you one of many? One of two? Are they ready? Are you ready if they are? Are you ready to hear they’re not? Is it too soon to feel the way you do? You realize you’re vulnerable. You’re running full speed ahead all the while thinking it’s safer to turn back. You don’t want to tempt fate and suffer another heartache, but God, they are worth the risk.

The way they look at you. The way they make you feel. It’s like nothing you have felt before, or at least not in a long, long time. You wonder if they ever think of you all the while trying to keep your own mind occupied. It’s not normal to think of someone this much, is it?

You have so much you’d like to say to them but decide to stay silent. You’re afraid. They seem both sure and unsure. The ground is shaky. You could run for cover but decide to simply hold onto your hopes and pray you don’t fall flat on your face.

And if you do, you’ll still be grateful for your time together. You know something they don’t: in the course of a few months, they have already changed everything. You’re better off just having known them.

Life is not always easy, but if you’re lucky, you’ll have the insight to enjoy the moments you find yourself in peace. You’ll cherish that time between chaos and heartache, disappointment and fear. You’ll appreciate periods when kindness, love, opportunity, happiness, hopefulness and inspiration swoop in and sweep you off of your feet.

When you show gratitude and understand that life is all about balance–the yin and the yang–you’ll see the rain as something to splash in and learn to laugh at the randomness of life. You’ll find the beauty in freedom–of thought, of expression, of the winds, and the wills of others. You will accept that you cannot control anything but how you choose to live, speak and behave.

You’ll hold onto the memories of these moments when you find yourself in the inevitable chaos that will follow and remind yourself that life is a living and moving thing, a series of moments, and that all things are born, blossom and pass.

No, this is not about spending all of your time focusing on finding a romantic partner. This is about finding ways to fall in love with the world around you, with yourself, with all of your friendships, your passions, great playlists and just being who you are and where you are in your life.  This is acceptance of all that you are, body and soul, setbacks and successes, joys and pains.

If you happen to stumble upon someone who likes to hold your hand and kiss under the stars, that’s a bonus.

Love is In The Cards.

Instead of putting your life on hold until you have a crush to share it with, embrace the fact that your life has significance, regardless of your romantic status.  There are opportunities to “fall in love” every day–with a sunrise, with a blooming rose, with your career, with the fact that you got from there to here.

Think about the friendships you have built, the ways you have navigated through and overcome challenges, and the dreams you have held onto along the way. Think about the lessons you have learned from those who didn’t treat you the way you deserved to be treated and how strong you were to pack up the the pieces of your broken heart and move on without them, regardless of how terrifying and painful it might have been.

Deep down, you know that when you cherish and appreciate yourself and all that you have filled your life with, you not only find yourself more protective of your joy (thus less likely to fall for the wrong person) but you become even more attractive to those around you.

This is your time.  This is your summer.  This is your love.

Laugh enthusiastically and often.

Bask in the sunshine of your own personal successes.

Intertwine your fingers with those of the universe and stroll confidently into the direction of your dreams.

One Life.

Turned off your phone and gave your full and complete attention to the moment you’re in?

Said exactly what you want to say?

Only spent time with people who respected, protected, loved and appreciated you?

Unleashed your passion without reservation?

Sat down, designed a plan of action and stuck with it?

Let go of your past and those who need to stay in it?

Accepted that you have a hell of a lot to offer this world and another person?

Spent the next 7 days fighting like hell to make your life what you want it to be?

Spoke less and acted more?

Had a little more faith in the universe and settled into the idea that everything is working for you, even when it feels like you simply can’t win?

Having fully and completely discussed the acts that constitute sexy bedroom behavior with women who know what they want (and don’t want) from a partner, I can attest to the fact that no one gets giddy over a jackrabbit or a selfish lover.  Find out if you’re bad in bed here.

Other faux pas:

Criticizing, shaming or humiliating your partner.

Not being tested.

Pressuring someone not to use protection.

Pointing out flaws.

Never Eat In Front of People Without Offering Something.

There is a big difference between a woman and a lady and a gentleman tips his hat to both.

Your word is your bond.

Protect your reputation. It’s worth more than anything else in the world.

All men and women put their pants on one leg at a time.

If someone is mean and contrary, don’t fool with them.

There is something to be said for putting in an honest day’s work.

There always something bigger than you in this universe so don’t get too big for your britches.

Character drives you to do (and stops you from doing) the things you do.

Little girls should be surprised and spoiled for the simple reason they are little girls (and he did just that, pulling out dresses and jewelry “just because” quite often).

There is no one above you and no one below you in life.

Love never dies.  He visited my grandmother every Sunday after her passing, bringing flowers to her grave and making sure I knew everything about her.

Knowledge, kindness, good manners and integrity will help you unlocked closed doors in life.

The best way to get something done is to teach yourself how to do it and get busy.

There is never a good reason not to have a burger and slice of pie with someone you love.

Girl: Oh man, why do I text him when I drink Mojitos?

Guy: Haha, it’s true! You never text with wine. Did he write back?

Girl:  Of course not! I’m the crazy girl! I hope he blocked me the last time.

Guy: He didn’t.

You must accept that some people can only love you at a distance.

You will send the right text to the wrong person and the wrong text to the right person. 

You will wake up and realize that you’ve been moving in all kinds of directions but getting nowhere.

Life will offer you a clean slate and another chance.

People will treat you poorly.  The key is not allowing them to do it twice.

You will look back and realize that you’re no longer in it, you survived it.

You will hear a comment from a stranger that will hit home and it will feel like a universal reminder.

You have to remind yourself that love is a two-way street and both parties have to want it enough to put both feet in.

You need to fight like hell for something.

You have to stop trying to “fix” it and move on.

Joy runs right up to you, wraps its arms around you, grabs you by the had and pulls you into a happier direction.

Last night, while sipping skinny mojitos at Cafe Noir with my darling & inspiring friend, Christopher, I found myself in a chaotic trance.  What started as an informational interview prompted by him became a terrifying (and much-needed) wake-up call for me, thanks to his fabulous line of questioning (that’s what happens when you sit across from a very talented lawyer).

On the flip side, It seemed I made him think about his own goals, values and direction.  We both walked away thinking more and feeling like we had a better understanding of what we wanted, needed and what we needed to do.

I thought I would post some of the questions we posed to one another as a way to help others who might need a little help and direction.

Think of where you are in your life, right now.

How do you feel about it?

What do you like and dislike about where you are?

What most would you like to change?

What are three solid steps you can take to change this?

What are your fears about taking these steps?

What are potential challenges?

What are possible outcomes (positive and negative)?

What do you really and truly want?

What does what you want really look like?

What is it about what you want that will make you happy?

Where do you see yourself in two years if you get what you want?

Where do you see yourself in two years if you don’t get what you want?

What contributions do you want to make to the world?

What do you value?

What do you need?

What lies are you telling yourself?

Who supports you?  How do they support you?

Who holds you back? How do they hold you back?

How can you learn more about what you want?

Why do you believe you cannot do the thing you absolutely can achieve?

Will you set yourself on a schedule, take the steps and at least try?

This weekend marks the anniversary of the date my life changed forever, the day I woke up to an empty world.

Though he was not famous, he was admired by everyone who met him.  A gracious, kind, handsome, dignified, honest, hard-working and decent man with a quiet pride and a humble demeanor, my papa was a beautiful guide while he was living and a gorgeous guardian angel once he passed.

I miss him in ways that are too precious and important to put into words but suffice it to say that time does not heal all wounds.

I love you, Papa.  Thank you for being the most wonderful person I have ever known.  Thank you for being the greatest parent in the world. Thank you for loving me so much that it made up for everything else.

I miss you & will be toasting you with Burgers & Pie as always. Wish you were going to be sitting across from me.

Book a Spa Day: I am a fan of deep-tissue, hot stone massages but everyone has their own favorite ways to be pampered. Check out local spas for extended Mother’s Day deals and book a session for less. No time? Pop into a nail salon for a 10 minute chair massage.

Sign up for a class: Whether it’s Tango, Salsa, Spanish or Cooking, learning something new will give your skill set–and confidence–a boost!

“Step Into Spring”: My friend, Stacey, hosted an intervention a few weeks ago when I went for my basic Bordeaux. “Um, it’s time to step into spring” she said, flatly. My nails atre now”Hawt as Hello” thanks to her tip and my friend, Kaley’s color suggestion. <;;3

Lunch Al Fresco: Beautiful weather should not be wasted. Grab a friend or colleague (or a good book) and dine in the sunshine.

Summer Cocktail Hour: I am a huge fan of Skinny Mojitos (made with Splenda) and authentic Sangria (Read: no triple sec) this time of year. Find your drink –virgin or otherwise– and sip away! Umbrella’s optional.

Get In Shape: Get serious about your health! Get up early or take your gym bag to work and workout at lunch or as soon as you clock out. Hire a trainer (if you need and can afford one) or ask a fit friend to help teach you a few tricks. No money for the gym? No worries! Go for a run at your local park, do pull-up’s on the playground or check out the many exercise videos available on Netflix. Getting into shape will not only have you looking better, but you’ll also have more energy, less stress and a happier outlook (thanks to endorphins being released). You’re worth the effort!

Book a Trip: If you can’t get to a beach, head to a cabin. Or a boat. Or a friends house. Just get out of your regularly scheduled routine and relax.

Bat a Few Lashes: I am always encouraging shameless flirting because it’s delicious fun.

Go To A Show, Concert or Sporting Event: Seeing Ricky Martin on Broadway, The Yankees play the Red Sox live and Enrique move in real time all became lovely life memories. Share a roof with a few of your favorites.

Upgrade Your Style: Contact a personal shopper (many stores offer this option) or a stylish pal and have them help you pick out a few pieces to give your closet a boost.

Listen To Your “Happy Playlist”: Hell is a place with no music, I am sure of it. Put together a playlist with your favorite tunes and listen to them on your commute, lunch break or while running errands. The right song can turn an entire day around.

Make a Friend Date: Stacey and I have “Mani/Pedi Saturday’s and if one of us is low, we book an impromptu “French Fry and Sangria” therapy session. Never fails!

Growing up, I didn’t have a mama but I always had Madonna.  So, Happy Mother’s Day to the woman who taught me to educate myself and be independent, strong, bold, provocative and to fight for my place in this world.

A big  shout-out to the mama’s who take their position seriously and a big hug to those who have lost their mothers and others who are reminded of their void on this day.

Your friend is your needs answered. He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving. And he is your board and your fireside. For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.
When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the “nay” in your own mind, nor do you withhold the “ay.” And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart; For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed. When you part from your friend, you grieve not; For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain. And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit. For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.

And let your best be for your friend. If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also. For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill? Seek him always with hours to live. For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness. And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

 I’ll miss you both tons but love you more.  Friendship untested, just stretched from coast-to-coast.

Can’t wait to visit.

Perfect weather for a delicious crush, no?

I.

Guy: ”Are you off to paint the town red tonight?”

Girl: “No.” 

Guy:  ”Well, If you do, can I hold your bucket?”

II.

Girl 1: ” I want to bring something to the table.”

Girl 2: “You always bring something to the table in every situation.”

III.

Girl: “I don’t know. I guess I am their type.”

Guy: “You’re everybody’s Type.” <3

IV.

Guy: This is Brenda, she’s a published author and that’s just one thing she’s done.”

BDC: “That’s so sweet!”

Guy: Hey, if you’re going to be awesome, I am going to brag about you. You’re still an idiot though.

V.

Random Man: “Your friend is gorgeous!”

Girl: “I know. She’s got a gorgeous personality and is smart and funny, too!”

Guy: “Well, she’s lucky because there aren’t many women who talk about one another like that which is a shame because it looks damn good on you.”

VI.

Girl: “Pardon me, can you give me directions?”

Guy: “I’m glad you only asked for directions because I’d give you just about anything you want.”

VII.

Guy on The Street: “I am married and am not hitting on you but you might be the prettiest girl in New York.”

Girl: “Wow! Thanks!”

Guy on the Street: “You’re welcome. Keep walking around and making every guy’s day.”

VIII.

Girl 1: “You look amazing! Your legs look so strong and sexy. Hot Mama!”

Girl 2: “Funny, I was just thinking how gorgeous you look!”

Guy: “This is hilarious. Men never do this.”

IX.

Girl: I like him a lot. It’s moving slowly but it’s getting more difficult because I just want to wrap my arms around him and kiss him every time I see him.

Guy: I don’t get it.

Girl: Get what?

Guy: Him. He clearly likes you. What is his deal?

Girl: You’re the guy! You tell me!

Guy: You’re asking me to crawl inside the mind of a moron.I have no idea how idiots think.

X.

Girl: You’re so pretty!

Girl 2: Look at her body. I want that body!

Girl 3: You girls, so nice.

Girl 2: No, honey.  You’re hot. I’m jealous!

Catty and Judgemental behavior is beneath you.  Spread some love!

Be bold. Embrace makes you unique. Love without fear. Laugh often and with great abandon. Make a big deal about big deals and work through the smaller stuff with ease. Kiss passionately. Hug warmly. Move your body as often as you can. Highlight your gifts. Strengthen your weaknesses. Let your accomplishments speak for themselves. Watch what you say. Pay attention to what others do. Control your life, don’t let it control you.

Make something. Make friends. Make love.

Refuse to be pigeonholed. Reinvent yourself. Take time to renew. Flirt shamelessly. Honor your word. Respect yourself and others.  Carry yourself with dignity. Be impressed more with integrity than a six pack.  Don’t beat yourself up about it.

Apologize when necessary. Regret for a moment and then learn your lesson and move forward.  Believe in the law of physics–motion-creates-motion. Keep moving.  Be grateful. Be generous. Be kind.

To others and to yourself. To life and the universe.

One Life.

Guys, a colleagues niece, Noelle is in the Secret Millionaires Competition.

She is now in the top 5 out of 50,000 kids. 20% of her grade (to win the competition) is based on votes that she gets for her invention. If you can PLEASE take 2 minutes to vote it would be really appreciated! No sign up needed.

Noele Mele #3

There are guides around you and colleagues with wisdom to share.  There are cheerleaders to encourage you, mentors to inspire you, partners and friends to love you.

But no one can “save” your life but you.

Your dreams are dots on your own timeline.

Your motivations are unique to you.

But motion-creates-motion and the those around you are eager to help those who help themselves.

The universe has agreed to match your investment step-for-step.

The story of Charles Daniel will break your heart.

R.I.P, Angel.

Get so stuck on the potential that you ignore a disrespectful reality.

Avoid apologizing when you know you’ve made a mistake.

Ignore that burning feeling that ignites in your gut when something isn’t right.

Build your sense of accomplishment or self worth at the expense of someone else’s feelings.

Put change off until tomorrow.  The second you realize that changes need to be made, make them.

Put yourself down.

Let anyone else put you down without saying something.

Forget that you are a survivor.

Deflect a compliment.  “Thank you” will do.

Tell yourself that you “can’t” do something, that it’s “too late” or that what you do “won’t matter”.  You can, it’s not, it will.

No idea how I missed this track but I love it.  Then again, even when I hate a song by Enrique I love it.

Reminds me of someone I used to know.

Ready to move on (in a productive way)? Read my advice in this piece for iVillage.com

My advice can be found on slides 2, 6, 9, 12 but read it all!

Over the years, I have made no secret of my passion for Mr. Clark Gable (see his Swoon post here) which is why I just gasped with delight when I came across the Dear Mr. Gable site this morning.

Take a few minutes to read about the most handsome and dashing man to ever show his face on-screen.

Note: Ursula Theiss said Mr. Gable made a gal feel twice the woman she thought she was. That’s the kind of man every girl should hold out for!

My interview with Len Saunders.

“But you have to know that he’s afraid –of being exposed, of losing his freedom, of not living up to what he thinks you deserve.  Just know that he wants to be with you, even if he doesn’t know it; he shows it in small ways,” he said.

She thought for a second.  She’d been calmed by these kinds of comments in the past but this time it just left her annoyed. At first, she couldn’t place why she was so uncomfortable but it suddenly occurred to her that she had spent almost two decades worrying about what some guy thought or felt about her.

She had waited and analyzed and worried herself into a frenzy. Worse,  she had spent too many hours of her time on earth sitting in the passenger seat while some guy drove her crazy.  She thought of all of the brunches, lunches, dinners and happy hours that were full of conversations where she and her girlfriends talked in loops about the opposite sex.

She was done. It was not “passionate” or “exciting”. It was exhausting.

She took a deep breath and enjoyed the peaceful wave that rushed over her.  Her mind went quiet, her heart was still.

She didn’t care what he was thinking about her. 

“He’s not the only one who matters. I am not waiting for anyone, I have a wonderful life to live,” she said firmly.  The best part was that she believed it.  She knew that the only person worthy of her was someone who gave her butterflies, not knots, smiles and not stress.

He smiled.

“Congratulations. You’ve just moved up to your next level.”

Today is the day.

You’re about to speak (up).  You’re about to leap (forward). You’re about to love (without fear) and laugh (instead of allowing everything to upset you).

You’re finally going to admit that every ending is also a beginning, that every disappointment is really the universe tweaking your path in an attempt to take you where it is you told it you wanted to go.

You’re going to recognize that what others do is often a result of their own experiences and projections.  Taking everything personally is a waste of time. You know that now.

You’re about to get out of your own way and accept that the only person who can stop you or propel you forward is you.

You are finally going to grab the reigns of your life and put in the work you know you need to do in order to achieve the success you ache to feel.

You’re excited by the understanding that the only thing we “deserve” are the things we are willing to work and fight for.   You know what you want and you’re ready to sweat and fight.

Today is the day you will start loving and respecting yourself.

Today is the day you stop waiting for someone and instead look forward to meeting someone who will sprint to catch up with you.

Today is the day you disengage from toxic thoughts, conversations and relationships.

Today is a great day.

It’s your day.

“You don’t need anyone or anything.  Look at you, look at how well you are doing in your life. Anyone who is beside you is lucky. The end.” My friend, John V.

This goes for you, too.

J.Lo and Enrique just announced plans to tour together this Summer.

Not to overstate my feelings but I can die now. Well, after the tour.

BDC: J.Lo and Enrique are touring together.

Stacey: OMG, I am in love with her and you’re in love with him.

BDC: I know!

Stacey: And we’re in love with each other.

BDC: I am thinking we should just get married now.

Stacey: Well, same sex marriage is legal in NY.

I am looking to hear the silliest, craziest & dumbest advice men have ever given one another about women.

Or perhaps it just sounds bad but you believe it actually works (i.e., negging a girl a la “The Game”.)

Please send your 2-3 full sentence responses to CinderellaWasaLiar@gmail.com along with your name (or alias), age and location.

This is for a major women’s magazine. & responses are due no later than 5/5.  Please pass on to all of the guys you know!

The best you can do is put yourself out there, say exactly how you feel and leave it up to them to decide.

People will mistake perception for reality.

You’ll have to start from scratch.

We have to let go of the ideas we have about ourselves and the life we think we want to live to make room for what is best for us.

You have to fight through your fear alone.

Someone comes in–be it a friend, a stranger, a lover, a mentor–and reminds you that, even with all of its scars and bruises, your life is still beautiful.

You have no idea.

You just know.

It happens when it’s real, not when you’re ready.

Last night, my girlfriend and I ended our “birthday month” with a bang by hosting a double bday bash at Lillium in the W hotel, Union Square. It was incredible to be surrounded by so many friendly and familiar faces and to just enjoy the company of those we love the most.

A huge thank you to the gorgeous Madison who not only took care of our party but made sure my champagne glass was full all night (along with my dear friend, JRock).  It’s nights like these that blossom into beautiful memories.

I love you guys so much. Happy bday, Zuly.

BDC

With two of my nearest & dearest.

P.S. Thanks, Marissa Gold for picking the place!

Girl 1: I can never finish a story with you when we are walking outside.

Girl 2: That’s not true. He was just cute.

Girl 1: You’re like the dog in “UP”.  Instead of squirrel’s, it’s men.

Girl 3: Where can I find you some boy adderall?

Girl 2: What would that do?

Girl 1: Make you focused and not notice all of the men around.

Girl 2: What a horrible life!

Your beauty, intelligence, compassion and truth is never diminished by another person’s inability to recognize or acknowledge it.

You have everything you need to get to where it is you want to go.

You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to work on being the best version of you possible.

Your love, time and attention is precious and should be bestowed only upon those who know and appreciate its value.

Compliments are gifts.  Gratitude (not deflection) is the appropriate response.

The universe sends you messages every single day.

You can’t time love.  It comes when the time is right, not when you think you are ready for it.

Your life is yours to shape.

E.B White’s “Here Is New York”.  I love to re-read it every few years.  A must-read for any New Yorker.

The smell of Gardenia’s

Walking across the Brooklyn Bridge on a balmy summer night.

Dance lessons.  Salsa. Tango. Sign up!

Forgiveness.  Give some, get some.

Friends laughing together.

The guy who confidently kissed his fingers like an Italian appreciating something wonderful and mouthed “You’re Beautiful” to me in the Canal subway station this morning.  Thanks for the smile.

Journal writing before bed.  Log your life a little bit!

You.  I am so blessed you allow me to write for you.  Thank you so much.

Get off of my baby’s face on your own or I’ll cut you.

Even for Che, Not O.K.

Or maybe we Have many soul mates, platonic and otherwise.

Winged Victory

The Floor scrapers

                                                                      Cupid and Psyche

My friend, Chiquira Wagner, posted this and I just had to share it.

While searching for travel tips for my impending trip to Italy (cannot wait!), I stumbled across this delightful blog.  I hope you will enjoy it as much as I did!

Mara and I are going to have a dream vacation of epic proportions.

Vespa’s, Chianti, Eyelash batting on cobblestone streets….

Sigh.

My Naughty Book Club: I just started it and am loving how many of my gf’s want in. First up: Fifty Shades of Grey (obviously).

Saturday Stacey Dates: There are very few things as fun as spending time with a positive, supportive, fun and funny friend.  My girlfriend, Stacey, is a master at making a random day wonderful. She and I have a ritual where we spend the day brunching, shopping, chatting over mani/pedi’s and doing all kinds of lovely, girlie things.  Why not set up a weekly play date with one of your besties?

Loreal Voluminous Smoldering Eyeliner (in Brown):  Vanity is my sin & this is hands-down the best liner to ever mark my eyes (Bonus: It’s less than $10.00)!

Hosting Friends: Now that my A-P-T has gone from “eh” to a little slice of paradise, it’s completely company-ready! With candles, a balmy breeze, tapas and Marc Anthony on the iPod, 1A has become a little vacation spot accessible by subway.

Zac Efron: Holy Hot Teen Idol, Batman.

My Faux Boyfriend: Seriously one of the best, funniest, kindest and most honorable guys I have ever met.  He makes me smile every single day.  Thanks, Mister.

The Cute & Grouchy (and Generous) Trainer at My Gym: He never smiles but lets me sneak into his kick-booty boot camp classes. I’m a little bruised but bikini shopping will be more painful without it.

The Hilarity That Is Me Attempting To Rock False Lashes: Seriously, how does one put those things on, LDiva?

Mangos: Fresh, Dried, in a Margarita…

Shedding Skin: No, not literally.  That would be gross.

Looking for a little extra motivation to get up and head out to the gym? New research shows that exercise not only makes your body better but it can also make you smarter! Love it!